My Closest, Truest Friend

When we first got married we were counseled to always show appreciation and voice our love for each other instead of getting stuck in the habit of expecting so much from each other. These last few weeks I have been very selfish and focused on what wasn't making me happy in my life. I started to take everything that my sweet husband does for granted. My mood has been shitty to say they least. So, I thought that I would write down my appreciation for another person. What person would be better except my loving husband that goes through it all with me.

Ryan is first and foremost an amazing dad. He has the patient of something else. I love watching him communicate with Roslyn. He is very direct and clear, yet understanding and sweet at the same time. He is her best friend. They play together, snuggle together, and get in trouble with me together. With me working early mornings most of the run around daily things have been placed on him. He will bathe Roslyn, get her dressed and even do her hair. (his braiding skills are quite improved) He does this without complaining and without question. Trust me, a four year old girl is not easy to get ready in the morning. He is always running around town doing all the errands. He makes sure that our home is in well order. As soon as he notices something not working properly he is out to fix it. Our vehicles are always in well working order with their constant tune ups, oil changes and whatever else goes that way. I will forever be grateful to Ryan for showing me the patience that he has. He cleans the house and will eat the food that I make. I have never had to worry about me picking up after him or knowing that the house won't be in well order. (most the time, we are human after all) Ryan takes care of all of our finances. He keeps a close eye on everything and we still have fun while staying on budget. Yes, he does this even though I work with numbers all day.

One the his best qualities though is the compassion he shows towards me. I am not an easy person. I am over dramatic, stress and honestly a mess. Ryan knows how to deal with me. He knows exactly what I need to hear even if I don't like it. Examples are, "if you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it", "if you don't like it, do something about it" and "its your choice what day you have". These are the worst and best to hear. He is there to let me vent to him without judgment. He encourages me to be myself and pursue whatever i am wanting to do. He is fun and energetic. He is sweet and considerate. I know that I can go to him with whatever is on my mind and he will embrace me and help me understand whatever it is that I need.

When I was younger I disliked the saying of, "you make me a better person". I have always felt that you should be your best person with or without someone else. Now I know for a fact that I would not be the person that I am without Ryan. He has helped me understand who I am as a wife, mother and human. I love him more that words can describe. I would be lost without him. He is the best thing that has happened in my life.

In you I have found the love of my life and my closet, truest friend.

Are You A Type A or B?

I have had quite the thoughts on my mind lately. Journalist has been attempted and honestly I just hate the way that my handwriting looks. Its hard to go back and read plus it seems that with it laying around cute little drawings end up on random pages due to little miss Roslyn.This is going to be my attempt at getting my stress out and thoughts down on paper  out into the world.

Today I want to talk about the line between leader and boss and friendships within the office. Why does it seem to be so hard to be likable and still keep authority? Not only do we see people struggle with this in the work place with coworkers but in all aspects of life. There is always the mom that wants to be the friend and not the "bad guy", the teacher that wants to "fit in" and feel "cool" with the teenagers, or even the correction officers that want to feel like a "popular kid" with offenders. In not one of these situations is it going to workout for the authoritative party. Sure some of the issues behind this go way deeper than I am qualified to point out, but the fact of the matter is none of us are immune.

I want Roslyn to feel like I am the cool mom. It gives me comfort when and employee below me considers me a friend. The fact of the matter is where the fuck is the line drawn. People that know me at my job know that I do not do feelings. I hate it when people cry or pout. Grow a pair, own it, and fix it. I do not want to know personal matters of my coworkers or boss bedroom life. I do not want to have someone share their deepest feelings with me. Why does this seem so hard to grasp and what are the ways to avoid it?

I guess that if possible you could keep the door shut to your office and try and stay away from personal issues. Most of the time that isn't an option. For example there are four desks in my office. Mine and the three people I am over. I constantly overhear their conversations even if I am not involved and dare I say judge them. If you are quite at work you seem angry and stuck up. If you are chatty and welcoming it sometimes welcomes to much information.

I feel as if I go on a constant loop with this over the year. I tighten up my act and then in about four months realize that I need to tighten up again. Its not easy being a supervisor or a parent when it comes to confrontation. I have watched many people in my life over the last month looking at how they confront issues. I have found that there are a lot fewer people that are just direct. No bull shit. Most I have seen are passive aggressive and honestly mostly fail what they are trying to accomplish. The confrontational (lets call them type A) people seem to not be liked by some but loved and respected by others. The passive approach (type B for my use) seem to have people act great in front of them but shitty behind their backs.

My dear husband is type A. There is not doubt about it. It has rustled my feathers a few times but honestly it is what I need to hear in the moment. When the type B's come around it tend to irritate me and cause me frustration. Eventually it leads to a blow up because i never got what they were hinting at and finally lose it with me causing much of a bigger scene. I honestly don't believe that you can be both A and B.

I have a new hire joining my team in the next week or two. It is a good time to turn a new leaf and start fresh. I am going to start limiting my down time to be the best example for my team. I am going to start doing reviews religiously to help them and myself understand what I am thinking about their performance. I am going to try to be type A. It may need to be a gradual shift but I know that it is what I need and probably will best serve those under me. Well I am glad I got the chance to work that out and see my thoughts. I challenge you to look at your life and the people in it and decide what type of person they are and see how they are received. It has definitely been eye opening.

2015 in Review

So, with a crazy long year and crazy busy schedule, blogging didn't happen. With the crazy Holiday season, Holiday cards aren't happening either. So lets do this the easy way......

The Preston's 2015 year in review....

This year Roslyn has become fully potty trained. It wasn't too bad but man it was rough. She has officially turned three and is now our little three-nager. Attitude and all. Ryan has enjoyed camping and spending time with the family this year as well as working towards promotions and new opportunities at work. I move to the billing supervisor at work in Febuary and have been working hard. We were able to take a camping trip with family in July and also take a week long vacation to California. We went to the beach, Disneyland and California Adventures, USS Midway, Sea World and the San Diego Zoo. We have had so much fun this year as a family and can't wait to see what 2016 has in store.


Ready to ride!


Best helper EvAh!


My little love bug!


Trips to the mall with Grandma to buy more earings! (she convinced Grandma to buy her icecream cone ones)


Time with friends and string cheese.


One day Cody and Ryan will grow up.... maybe...


Hiking and climbing trees.


Spending time outside.


Nothing better than family time.



My princess


Our Family.

This summer Roslyn got to run her first 5k with me! We didn't even take a stroller! It may have taken us an hour, but she did it!


Not bad for a two year old.

In August we celebrated this little girls birthday. She even got her first haircut the day of her party in Utah.


She wasn't to sure about this.


Showing off her new hair cut.


Happy 3rd Birthday little girl!

At the end of September we took Roslyn on a week long vacation to California with Ryan's parents.


 My little beach bum


She loved playing in the ocean.


First ride at California Adventures!


Sofia the First!!


Roslyn enjoyed talking to the princesses and us taking pictures was such an inconvenience to her.


Her and Tinkerbell.


She loved Rapunzel!


Grandpa bought Roslyn her first ever Mickey ears that she picked out.


The best family picture we could get in Disneyland.


Visiting the USS Midway.


She was a stink about posing for pictures the entire time at Disney, but as soon as she saw the Coke machine on the USS Midway she was yelling at me to take her picture and posing.


Sea World!!!

San Deigo Zoo!


Thank heavens these two cousins are now best friends. (it was rough there for a while)


Trick-or-treating with Snow White

We can't wait for another great year in 2016!

The craziest part of the year... The holidays

I am sorry for my absence after my last post. It was hard for me to write but I received lots of great feedback. We have been busy lately and so blogging has suffered. This will be a quick update of our latest happenings.

We went down to Utah for Halloween. My sister I law invited us to come over to their house to go trick or treating. Roslyn had so much fun! Her uncle Cody and her were running from house to house yelling "candy woo". It was so funny. Eventually Roslyn and her cousin Aderyn were going kind slow. They ended up on Ryan and Cody's shoulders so that we could go faster. Once we got back to my sister in laws house her husband had chili made for all of us. We planned in stoping by my parents on the way home, but Roslyn passed out in the car not even a block away from my sister in laws. Roslyn had so much fun with her cousins Braxton and Aderyn trick or treating. I ended up with sore feet from walking so much. I was glad that we weren't at our house because it would have consisted of walking up and down steep hills. 

The next day, we went to my parents and my mom had 4 or 5 pumpkins for Roslyn to paint. She loved it! We also had a mystery dinner party hosted by my in laws. It was so much fun and people got in to it. 

The morning after we got back to Idaho we got to see the first snow fall. It was just a small dusting but Roslyn was in love.

That next week Ryan had his vacation time. Him and Roslyn decided to go back down to Utah for a few days. I was happy for Roslyn to go, but so sad that I wouldn't have her here with me. I may have cried a bit as they left. Previous to this I had only been away from Roslyn for one night. They had lots of fun and I got some me time. 

It was great to see them again. The rest of this week it has been snowing like crazy! I was so excited about the snow that I was practically squealing at work. Luckily one of my co workers shared my excitement. She ran outside in her socks and drew eyes on all of the cars. 

Roslyn has also had her first cup (sippy) of hot chocolate. She is obsessed with it. When she got up this morning it was the first thing she asked for. It is perfect though after we have been out in the snow playing. 

Of course what a better way to end the weekend than with cookies! Me and Roslyn normally bake one item per week. We haven't had a good chocolate chip cookie in a while. We shook it up by doing white chocolate and butterscotch chips as well. 

Now it's time to start getting in the mood for the real holidays, plus my birthday! I love this time of year, but let's be honest it is just way to hectic. Sorry for the overload of pictures, but due to my lack of blogging you get an overload. 

Why I, a mother, work.

Let me start off by saying that this is my own personal experience and life. I do not mean to put judgement on to others. I just felt the need to share my story.

Almost 3 years ago, I found out that we were expecting. I was scared, nervous and excited. At that time, I was attending school full time and working at a local grocery store. As my pregnancy went on, it became harder to stand for long periods of time. It got to the point that I decided to leave. We were very blessed at the time, that Ryan had a great paying job. It wasn't nessecary that I work. I became more excited for our baby to come she I realized that I would get the chance to be a stay at home mom.

All I had wanted growing up was to be a stay at home mom. I remember making tents with my mom, eating hotdogs for ouch together and helping her clean the house while my dad was at work. These precious memories that I had as a young child drove me to wanting to be a stay at home mom as my job when I grew up. At one point in life, I even believed I truly wanted eight, yes, eight children! 

When Roslyn was born, I had the best feeling. I knew I was going to be the perfect stay at home mom. Dinner made every night, house cleaned top to bottom and a perfectly dressed and groomed mother and child waiting for Ryan each night. This though quickly disappeared as we left the hospital. 

In high school I suffered with depression. Once I was married I overcame it and swore I would never go back to that dark place again. I wouldn't let myself. Soon after having Roslyn, the house was in complete disarray each night. Dinner was rarely gourmet or even cooked by me. I would even have my mother come over to my house and clean for me as I held Roslyn. I didn't get out of the house much and when I did it was to visit family. 

Through Roslyn's first year of life I fought with this slow moving depression. I ran a half marathon, which helped a bit, but I wasn't truly myself. Right before Roslyn turned one we found out that we would be moving 3 hours away from our families to Idaho. I was so scared. For the first month and a half Ryan was in Boise for training. I fell into a deep funk. I tried to take Roslyn to the park so something at least once a day. It still didn't help much. I was loosing my temper more and more each day with her. 

When we moved we knew that it was most likely that I would need to start working to help out with the finances. This scared me even more than moving. I felt so out of touch with people my age. I only had one or two friends that I had stayed in contact with. Even then it was a quick conversation or visit once every few months. Finally I bucked up and found a job.

I started working for four hours two days a week. This instantly started lifting my spirits. On the days that I worked, I started seeing myself in a different light. Soon I uped my hours at work. I started to work 5 days a week for 4 hours. Again, I was scared to do this what was Roslyn going to think about not being with me all day? What would I miss out on? Would she still love me? I stuck with working 20 hours a week for quite awhile. 

It was as if someone had shaken me out of a fog. Suddenly, my house was cleaner, dinners were made better, and I saw myself as me, a working woman and mother. I loved my work so much that within the next few months I worked myself up to full time. I was so excited about this! However some of the people I care about were not. Ryan and Roslyn fully supported me and saw that I wanted this. As I told different family members I didn't get the support I was looking for. 

If I was to work full time who would watch Roslyn? Aren't you sad you will be missing out on so much of her life? Remember that family comes first before your career. All of these things were said to me by people I love. It sent me right back to the point of asking myself if I was being a terrible mother to my daughter for working full time. 

I had a great talk with Ryan a few nights later about how this is our life and our family. No one knows how much me working has change our home. I cannot express the love that I have for my family, my co-workers and my job. Me working has strengthend my family and brought us closer together. There are days that I miss staying home or think "well if I stayed home I would have more time to do ...". If I am honest with myself though, I know I would be at home and miserable. I am coming up on being at my job for  one year. I am excited for the future. I know that this job has been a major blessing in my life. Looking back, I probably had post pardum depression, but as stated before I told myself I would never have depression again. This is why I choose to work. This is why my family is as close as they are. This is why I have become confidant in who I am. My dream of being a stay at home mom has been put aside for right now. My dream now is focused on being happy and healthy with my family.

Please share your story with me, or share mine. Let the world know that dreams change and that us mothers are trying to be the best, whether that be working, staying at home, married, or single.

Utah!

A week ago we went down to Utah. Ryan's Uncle had passed away. We were able to make it for the viewing Wednesday night. It was amazing to see how many lives he had touched. We were able to spend the night talking with Ryan's Grandma Preston's sister and her family. Roslyn had her middle name given to her after Loretta (Ryan's grandma). We went to the funeral the next day. What I was able to hear from the hallways with Roslyn was beautiful. He was such a great man. 

That night we went with Ryan's parents to eat at the food trucks in Provo! It was so yummy! I got some Mongolian BBQ in a cup. It was so fun. I've decided that Pocatello needs to get some up here.

Sorry for the blurry picture.

The next day was spent with family and friends. Roslyn and I got to spend time with my mom and dad. Roslyn is in love is her Papa Hatch. We played out side. She rode in their little motorized jeep, learned how to hit a ball of the tee and of course played in the leaves.

Saturday we went over to Ryan's sister's house to let Roslyn do a Halloween mini shoot. She wasn't in the best mood but we got some cute pictures.

We were also able to celebrate my little brother's birthday while in Utah. I can't believe he is now 15! Where in the world did the time go? Roslyn was more than happy to help make his cake!

Roslyn also got to play with her Aunt MaeMee (Amy). They wrestled and played. I even caught them putting a 2000 piece puzzle together.

Sunday night we took family pictures with the Prestons. It was fun and nobody got bit this time! The drive back was long and the next day at work was even longer. It was such a blast to spend time with family. Sadly the house just recovered tonight and is finally clean. We are back into our routines and normal life. We are going to use this down time as much as possible before the craziness of Halloween.

Fall traditions

This weekend has definetly been one for the books! I apologize in advance for the picture overload, but we had so much fun! This weekend was the LDS conference. We don't have the channel that it broadcasts on, so we got to watch it on the iPad or on the radio while doing errands. Saturday morning Ryan was working, so it was a perfect time for me and Roslyn to spend one in ine. We went shopping and did a few errands. After we got back we watch conference while Roslyn did both of our hair and makeup.

After Ryan got home we were able to go continue on our fall tradition of going to a pumpkin patch o. Conference weekend. We started this tradition last year when we first moved to Idaho. Roslyn loved all of the pumpkins and the hay maze! Daddy helped her pick out the perfect one. 

A few weeks ago, Ryan got this  three wheeler. We are lucky to live close to trails. We had ridden it a few time around the neighborhood, but this was the first time taking it out in the open. It was gorgeous and only about 5 minutes away from our house. Roslyn love riding it with us. She is just like her daddy.

Yes, we tried to take a selfie of the 3 of us riding together. 

Today came way to early with Roslyn getting up at 4:30 AM! Yeah, you read that right. We listen to conference or mommy's show as Roslyn says and made cinnamon rolls. They were so yummy! I may have had a few already.

This weekend was perfect fall weather. We are definetly in the mood for Halloween and spooky things!

Ryan's uncle passed away this weekend. We will be going to spend time with family in this time of greif. It will be nice to see people and we are glad that his uncle is out of pain. Give you loved one en extra hug tonight. I know I will.